When pigs dream ...

... I'll bet they never dream of being body-snatched by a TBDOA podling that uses their dried-up old carcass as a disguise.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnk!!!!

Why you cry, wee one?

because I am being devoured

while my oblivious parents

snap photos and giggle!

A rose by any other name ...

... is still just as freaky.

O Sweet Skipping Baby Jesu.

Father Bear Zandermis

An "art bear".

Holy everliving fudgefucks.

This is quite possibly the saddest one of all time.

He looks so very earnest, unaware of his doom. And the bear, is it a bear? Is it a bee? We will never know. This child was eaten shortly after the picture was taken.

When Will the Lambs Bears Stop Screaming?

There is, in this small universe, a wormhole that leads to hell.

The Collector's Exchange is where all of the devil's minions hang out. Tread with care, my friend, for here is just a taste of the many horrors you will encounter:

Butterfly from Hell

Lamb of Doom

Isn't it terrible? Do you not fear? Do you, as I do, weep for all of mankind?

Oh, an aside ... a search on the Estonian word for bear (karu) produced this:

Possibly the only bear-in-costume that doesn't make me dry heave. In fact ... well, what does it say about me if on the one hand I fear for the immortal life of my soul, yet on the other hand I crave a tumble in the pit-o-balls with this most lovable karu? She is a human dressed as a bear, not a bear dressed as a human, so it is all right. Right? Right?? Damn straight it's all right. I wrote the recipe for this particular batch of crazy sauce, and if I say it's all right, it's all right. Now get in the ball-pit with us.

Question: What is worse than a Teddy Bear dressed as a bee?

Answer: A Hive of them.

My Head is Full of 0's and 1's!!!

This bear-as-USB drive

comes to us

via

Booty J Patrol.

Thanks a f***ing LOT.

A Whole New Breed of Evil

Alert reader and TBDOA*-spotter Willie has sent me the following image. You may wish to filter it through a piece of wax paper, so as to protect your eyes from certain destruction.

I'll wait while you fetch it.

Ready?

All right then.

Here we go, my love.

This will not be easy.

Hold my hand.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!!!!!!!

What the crazy f***?!?!?!?!?!?

Now they come in rigid plastic?!?!?!?!?

Plastic mini-TBDOA!

Next you'll tell me that babies can wear them as costumes.

What's that you say?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Even in these Hallowed Halls

Oh, it began innocently enough; 25 women of assorted ages sitting around in the shade, drinking iced tea and ginger punch, talking about placentas and labor and baby names, idly poking at the pink and blue balloons that threatened to embed themselves in our cake frosting with the breeze.

Then it all started to slowly fall apart, marching us blindly towards the demise of all that is good and wholesome. Tilting us ever closer to the brink.

Teddy Bears Dressed as Other Animals had found us ... even here, in the very heart of wholesomeness: the Sunday afternoon baby shower.

Gaze, if you can bear it, upon the horror.

Teddy Bear in Bunny Rabbit's clothing;
The devil's own minion.

And then, as if to mock our pain, this monstrosity emerged:

Monkey Parts Embedded in a Blanket.

I don't know about you, but I know a certain someone who would be deeply unsettled by these images. For starters, the little simian body is literally divided into three pieces:

(1) The head-torso portion
(2) The legs-abdomen portion
(3) The rear-end-tail portion (see it again!):

Second -- Do you mean to tell me that somebody actually means to wrap the impressionable and trusting little body of an infant in this depravity?

You see my friends, we must be vigilant. We cannot rest for a fraction of an instant in our quest to protect the world from the encroachment of these evils.

Keep your eyes peeled, and alert me immediately of any further incidents.

Slip-n-Slide Straight to Hell: Teddy Bears as Celebrities!

Steven Spielberg

Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter

Cher

Actually, sales of these Teddy Bears at the Siegfried & Roy: Masters of the Impossible website benefit people in the Las Vegas area with intellectual disabilities. Maybe I will buy one after all, to benefit the cause. I'm a sucker for charities, even if the Devil's minions are this closely associated.

Bears of the Apocalypse

Ever since I revealed my sick fascination with Teddy Bears Dressed as Other Animals, my devout fans have searched the world for evidence of this decline of mankind, and filled my inbox with their photographic evidence. Here is some of the proof I have received:

From DaMasta's cell phone camera:

bear as heart

Monkeys as ballerinas; a subset of TBDOA.

While not a sign of the Apocalypse per se, it is perhaps a sign

of something milder, such as

gastrointestinal angst to come.

Bears dressed in cute outfits holding cute animals.

That is just wrong!

And from Lee Ann:

Bear as teacher.

As if we would allow the sinister

brainwashing that would ensue!

Thank you both for your vigilance. Let's all keep our eyes open; the signs are there, you just have to look for them.

O the Horror


Some astute readers have picked up on my subtle dislike of Teddy Bears Dressed as Other Animals (TDBOA), and have found examples far and wide throughout their individual corners of Blogland. It is my hope that increased exposure to this perversion will help me to feel OK about it. From looking at these photos, however ... it's unlikely.

Miss Kendra sends this specimen. Not too bad; it's just a bear in clothing. Still not right, though. Animals don't need clothing, that's why they have fur.

Cupcake sends this disturbing image of Bears as Wizard of Oz. I will forever dream of the bear-as-tinman, thanks a freaking lot.

Fritz sends this deeply disturbing Bear as Skeleton, which I think is supposed to be a Halloween costume. The portrayal of a bear skeleton as identical to a human skeleton makes me question my roots and those of all of humanity.

This bears posting again, because it is just so very wrong. Quilting Girl's find, Bear as Lobster, is still #1 in my Book of TBDOA Horrors.

... and finally, while not a manifestation of TBDOA per se, this outrage. Just what the heck is going on?!?!?! Thanks to Cupcake for her quick thinking in bringing this to our attention.

Please keep your eyes peeled for further examples of TBDOA and send them to me ASAP!

Teddy Bears Turned Inside Out

Tits has alerted me to this ... "art" she saw at boingboing. It's teddy bears, inside out.

The culprit: Kent Rogowski.

I am not sure how I feel about this.

On the one hand, it is brilliant.

On the other hand, I have discovered a new level of horror within me, a bottomless fountain of horror that has lain heretofore undisturbed. Now, some secret, slimy thing has been woken from its sleep, and the water seethes and ripples. It will never lie quiet again, and I am forever changed.

Would you, too, throw a pebble into your deep well?

Let me help:

This image belongs to Kent Rogowski.

This image belongs to Kent Rogowski.

If you haven't seen enough, go to the show. It is underway!

I Can't Bear It

This weekend, I found myself in a well-known baby item store. While there, I wandered into the toy section to look around. It was manned (or should I say monkeyed?) by this fierce-looking but very kind gentleman, who let me take pictures after I mentioned that I know Monkey, whom he seems to remember from some sort of camp. He wouldn't elaborate when pressed, even though I offered to let him spend some time in my armpit.

The reason for taking pictures will now be revealed. In the past, I may have mentioned a particular pet peeve of mine. See if you can guess what it might be, from looking at the following photos:

Bear as bee.

Bear as bunny.

Bear as devil.

Bear as ladybug.

Bear as vegetable.

Bear as f---ing candy corn!

Did you figure it out? Good. You are very astute. I hate bears dressed as other things. Why can't a bear just be a bear, dammit? Bears are cute in their own right; they don't need to dress up as other things. I won't rant about it much longer; I've already done so here. But I will continue to post evidence of this perversion as it is revealed to me. Proof that the world is going to hell. Teddy bear hell! Feel free to flood my inbox with photos of the sickness if you see it in your corner of the world. I'll use them next time I go off on this topic. In fact, I think I'll start a whole separate blog about it. That, and dolls that freak me out.

While I'm ranting, how about this: Why would anyone want to dress their little girl like this (below)? Check out these infant items, also at said famous baby store. Do people really want to tell the world that "My baby "R" a hooker?" I don't think so.

I'm OK now. I just needed to get that off my chest. I'll be in the basement with an icepack on my face. Holler if you need me.

Armageddon is Nigh!


On my recent trip to New York City, I spotted something rather disturbing in a shop window. Ever on the lookout for signs of the Apocalypse, I snapped a few quick photos to document the demise of all that is good and whole in this world. I speak, of course, of the dressing of teddy bears as other animals. It seems, now, that the trend does not stop at teddy bears. Now, non-animals are subject to the same cruelty. Just what the f*** is a MonChhiChi?!?! It's not a hedgehog, not a monkey ... what the hell is it?!? Regardless of what it is, apparently it isn't enough just to be one; no ... it must also be dressed as a frog, a duck, or some other animal. What is happening to us? Don't stare for too long at the pictures. If you can, make a pinhole camera for viewing.

Directions for making pinhole camera.

Documented evidence of impending Apocalypse:

MCC being consumed by a frog (aka "The Miss Kendra")

MCC duckling, rabbit, puma.

Bears in winter gear at Eddie Bauer.

Not dressed fully in other animals' pelts, but still a fur-lined coat!

Still not good!